I entirely reject the idea that if I frequently experience conflict it means I must be a bad person. This is on my mind after someone told me online, “If you meet an a-hole in the morning, you met an a-hole. If you meet a-holes all day, you're the a-hole.” I completely disagree.

Religious people seem to think conflict is an inherent part of life being born into sin among Satan and demons. An atheist viewpoint is - “fight or flight” is inherently built into us making mankind prone to conflict.

No matter how famous someone is there’s nearly always haters in the comments section. Same goes for non-famous people. See the song: Hater’s Anthem https://youtu.be/v9y51akm3N4

There’s so much conflict in the world that there are numerous X/Twitter accounts dedicated to showing physical and/or verbal fights including both children and adults. Conflict has spawned catchphrases like “FAFO” and “Karen.”

I theorize after the medical madness era of 2020, much of humanity has so much internalized stress and this is causing people to be especially rude. The “Matrix”-like smartphone zombification of humanity is also a factor. What’s more, is it any surprise the store or fast food worker is a jerk in a society that deems them low skilled and replaceable by robots?

Online search: Are people becoming meaner? It’s clear I’m not the only one who thinks the answer is yes.

If I covey self esteem I’m decried as “self important,” “entitled,” “egotistical” or other negative labels. If I complain about any hardship then I’m decried as a “complainer,” “pitiful,” or “whiny.”

If you’re a man expressing frustration you’re decried as a “pussy” and “weak” and demanded to ignore it and suck it up. Yet if this pushes a man to have a mental break and become the next Micheal Douglas “Falling Down” or mass shooter, society will self righteously opine about how it’s a shame no one saw the signs or ignored the signs.

I saw a political commentator recently wrote, “If you're planning to get in this talking head… business, then be prepared to deal with mega-a-holes. There is no loyalty whatsoever.”

It reminded me of two memorable incidents of being backstabbed at work by coworkers in my 20s. After those incidents, I decided I’d never befriend a coworker (including on social media) ever again.

If you dare opine anything online online you’ll get criticized - especially if you have a dissenting minority viewpoint or are among people immersed in tribalism like political party defenders.

Do people who are less outspoken and passive when wronged perceive themselves as in conflict as much as people who are outspoken and inclined to dispute being wronged?

If one has mental health medical conditions it can be even worse. Society is only empathetic to a person’s mental health struggles if they are told about it in a song, book, TV show, or movie that makes them cry. Yet in real life - who cares? You’ll get told there’s people who have it worse than you - so suck it up.

Got mental health medical conditions? You’re choices are meds with a gajillion side effects and risks… or experiment with seemingly risky mushroom / psychedelic type stuff… or get into a psych ward where all the different conditions (drug/alcohol, PTSD, schizophrenia, etc…) are treated equally regardless if you’re sober/drug-free or not… or counseling therapy… or the final choice is to be drug free and “insane” in a seemingly insane world.

When I started the first LGBT group in my hometown in 2003 at the age of 23, I experienced far more hate from LGBTs than the antigayers. I finally found self reflection in a 2011 interview with “Fag Bug” filmmaker Erin Davies. She explained how LGBTs in her community jealously hated on her as she gained more visibility regarding her doc about being the victim of antigay spray paint vandalism of her VW bug automobile.

I then felt better. I finally understood all those LGBTs who hated on me were projecting their own self hate onto me. Some were jealous for not having been as brave as I was. Some were jealous for not being able to overcome the fear of coming out.

Here’s what I’ve done in my life:

I stood up for LGBT equality. I did homeless outreach. I united people who voted outside the 2 party system. I protested unfair YouTube policies at their offices. I stood up for c19 jab decliners. Was I perfect in these noble endeavors? Of course not. Yet no matter what good I did there were always critics. Critics who (more often than not) sat on their ass doing nothing.

There were also people who expressed gratitude and cheered me on. I’ll never forget them.

In personal relationships I did my best to be typically kind. I was loyal. I succumbed to being a deliberate jerk at times but that was rare. I enjoy being nice.

What am I to do in this world of “dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t?” Accept it’s not possible for even the most popular famous people to be spared haters - especially if they misstep in public.

I already have a thick skin having been an activist for years. Yet being criticized justly or unjustly is never fun.

I know I’m not deliberately seeking conflict in ordinary situations. Am I subconsciously doing it? Am I subconsciously inviting people to treat me badly?

Is it superficial or reasonable when people demand I should take ownership of any dispute because one way or another I enabled it? Do I give myself appropriate self care to defend myself when wronged? Feels like society demands I label myself as at fault no matter what.

I self evaluate how to improve myself. I try to learn new skills. I try to take care of my physical and mental health (it’s a challenge). I watch videos trying to learn how to improve my persuasion skills, conflict resolution skills, charisma, and like-ability. I’m constantly trying to break out of poverty.

Yet what if I’m stuck in a malicious Truman Show or cosmically designed perpetual conflict like the South Park “Earth” episode? I absolutely do think these possibilities are more likely to be true than the religious claims I’ve been exposed to as an American. I also have collected evidence supporting my belief I’m a targeted individual.

Aren’t we all targeted individuals in the crosshairs of seeming anti-human forces like Wold Economic Form and 2 party system charade uniparty millionaires/billionaires whom don’t care about the everyday person struggling to survive?

As I increase in years I find myself feeling conflicted about walking away (or online blocking) once conflict arises VS standing up for myself. If I’m in conflict in person with someone who can harm me, seems self deprecating / humor tactics may be best to diffuse. If I could defend myself if it got physical - then may as well stand my ground with as much ferocity as necessary.

It’s the culture to ridicule someone as weak if they block someone else online they’re e-fighting with. Yet if the conflict is online and it’s clear the other person is trolling or in bad faith or just wanting to vent with no attempt at mutual understanding - why not block or mute? Why allow an anonymous online figure to waste my precious time?

If someone wants to have a genuine exchange of ideas then that’s fine - especially if we can monetize off of it in this world of seemingly needing to monitize everything to afford everything else being a fee or never ending subscription service?

As I increase in years I should probably live more selfishly. Yet I want to be kind. I enjoy kindness and peaceful vibes.

I know the good intent I’ve selflessly given as an activist and volunteer.

If someone doesn’t like me - they don’t have to.

Even if I was the last person liking me - I’d still like me. I love myself. ❤️